I was about to drive away from Wal-Mart when I saw something on the ground where I'd parked. I drove around to it. It was an oil filter. Picking it up, I realized it was the same kind of filter my car used... I shut off my engine quickly. There was a puddle of oil where I'd parked and a trail of drips in a circle where I'd driven.
Obviously this would need to be fixed right away. Fortunately, I was already at Wal-Mart. I locked up my pups in the car and went inside. All I bought was a five-quart bottle of 5W-30 high mileage oil, which I brought out. I drove up on a curb and screwed the filter back on. Then I poured in the oil. My car takes about four quarts so I used up most of the bottle. I closed the hood, got back in the car, and started the engine. The check oil light was still on. I waited a tense minute or two, waiting for it to go off, but it didn't. After some time, I got out and looked under the car. There was oil gushing out from where the filter was. I shut the engine off as fast as possible.
The filter had fallen off again. I cursed thoroughly and repeated the process: back in the Wal-Mart... walk across the store... grab a five-quart bottle of oil... walk back to self-check-out... insert chip. This time I tightened the oil filter really tight. It was an imaginable mess under the car. I had a bit of luck pushing the car forward from the spill, then drying the filter using toilet paper. I got it pretty tight this time, and refilled the oil (first using the leftover quart from the last bottle). I got in and started the car. I immediately heard a clunk sound. I stopped the engine and looked under the car again. Lo, the filter had fallen off and the car was gushing oil out onto the pavement.
I said some hot words and repeated the entire process. First I was sure to thoroughly dry the filter. I also jacked the car up so I could get more leverage. I twisted it as tight as it would go, adjusted my grip and then went tighter. I went inside and made another lap across the store to get oil, racking up another $15 on my card. Back outside, I gave the filter another quarter-twist and let the car back down. This time I had it so wrenched tight, I knew there was no way it'd fall off again.
I got back in the car and turned the key, but I had no sooner let the clutch out in neutral than I heard the clunk again. I shut down the engine and cried a little. I couldn't understand how I could turn the filter so many times and get it so tight, and then have it fall off so easily. There must be some wizard in the car who pops it off with a crowbar as soon as I start up.
I decided to give up. I was already near the Wal-Mart auto care center, so I decided to camp out near the lot and ask for their opinion in the morning.
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